Tag Archives: fear

Blog May Thirtieth

Last night I came face to face with one of my childhood fears. I grew up with three older brothers, and there was mild rough housing involved. I say mild because I never got into it. I always had a fear of getting hurt. For a long time, with a lot of things I would shy away from. When I moved in with the roommates in July they had a Nerf Gun fight, I of course stayed in the corner trying not to get hit by anything.
So now we get to last night. I was laying in bed with my boyfriend having one of those arguments that others would roll their eyes at. You know one of those, “I love you more” “No I love YOU more” kind of arguments. This led to him to put his hands on my side, and began tickling me. Then he moved to my legs, which are my worst ticklish spots. I was fighting to stay on the bed and moved my head to the right. My boy friend, in an effort to pin me down, moved his leg to the left. My head right, his knee left. BAM! I have never felt a hurt on my head as much as that hurt. In an instant he stopped the tickling and backed away from me. I started bawling. I know he didn’t mean it, but oh boy did it hurt. He gently kissed the area and we decided it was time to go to sleep.
I was thinking about it today. I’ve had a headache all day, unsure if it was from the knee blow, or just exhaustion from working 45 hours in a week. It wasn’t in any way shape or form of abuse, pure accident. As if we were kids again, playing around and rough housing. As the old saying goes, “It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.” As I said, I was face to face with one of my fears and honestly, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. It’s almost like that high you get when you poke your crush in the ribs. My boy friend had tickled me and I had lost my battle but it’s like… I love him more for it?
I know this is an odd story to tell. But I feel like I need to get back into writing more and this has been on my mind all day. I hope no one takes offense to this or calls police for my “abusive” boyfriend because that is not at all what I am trying to say. Maybe what I am trying to say is to not be afraid. Things happen when we don’t mean them to, but that shouldn’t anchor us from having fun. Maybe…just maybe… I’ll join the next Nerf Gun fight. (Better let my head stop hurting first…)